Life shouldn’t be boring. Comedy and humor can not only help us get through difficult times in our lives, but they can also be a great source for words, smart-ass sayings and sarcastic quotes to live by.
1. Say what you feel.
“I’ve reached that age where my brain goes from ‘You probably shouldn’t say that’ to ‘What the hell, let’s see what happens.'”
2. Forget the haters.
“If you don’t like me and still watch everything I do, b-tch you are a fan.”
3. Start the day with confidence.
“Good morning world! Your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived.”
4. Keep ’em guessing.
“Sarchotic: When you’re so sarcastic people aren’t sure whether you’re joking or whether you’re just crazy.”
5. Keep it real.
“I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.”
6. Never do anything you don’t want to do.
“Yes, I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.”
7. Be a rebel.
“Me after death: slams gates of Hell open, takes off shoes, high fives Satan. ‘I’m home. What’s the f-cking WiFi password?'”
8. Don’t let others take what’s yours.
“There’s no ‘we’ in fries.”
9. Be nice to others.
“Mom always said, ‘If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all’. And some people wonder why I’m so quiet around them.”
10. Look on the bright side.
“No matter how bad it gets, I’m always rich at the dollar store.”
11. Mind your health.
“An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough.”
13. Be unforgettable.
“Be the reason someone smiles today…or the reason they drink. Whatever works.”
13. Sometimes you need to put people in their place.
“When someone says ‘Expect the unexpected,’ slap them and say ‘You didn’t expect that, did you?'”
14. You don’t need a man in your life.
“I don’t care about my Prince Charming. Where the forest animals that clean?”
15. Make sure you’re prepared when it comes to parenting.
“Before having a kid, the most important thing to ask yourself is ‘Am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?'”
16. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
“I see all these moms who can do everything, and I think…I should have them do some stuff for me.”
17. Laughter is the best medicine.
“Remember if you can’t say something nice…make it funny.”
18. Don’t concern yourself with other people’s opinions on how to live your life.
“If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth.”
19. Live life to the fullest.
“Spend your life doing strange things with weird people.”
20. Don’t let others treat you badly.
“People are a–holes. Just make sure you’re not the toilet paper.”
21. Form your own path.
“Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the M is silent.”
22. Make sure you get enough rest.
“Sleeping is my drug, my bed is my dealer and my alarm lock is the police.”
23. Life is short! Seize the day.
“Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.”
24. Love yourself and what makes you unique.
“When someone makes fun of you for being short they’re basically just saying that the worst thing about you is that there just isn’t enough of you.”
25. Laugh at your exes.
“I don’t have X’s, I have Y’s. Like ‘Y the hell did I date you?'”
26. Perfection is boring. You are awesome just as you are.
“Flawsome: (Adj.) An individual who embraces their ‘flaws’ and knows they’re awesome regardless.”
27. Who knew “Baby Got Back” could also provide life lessons?
“Lesson one: only trust people who like big butts. They cannot lie.”
28. Don’t be afraid to stand out.
“Be a Fruit Loop in a world full of Cheerios.”
29. Good point. Keep that chin up!
“Keep your chin up…otherwise you are just looking at your boobs all day.”
30. Don’t worry so much.
“When in doubt, remember FISH: F-ck it, sh-t happens.”